Nikki’s Question #2: Do you ever want to go into full time ministry (paid)?

Yes, more than you could possibly imagine. But I think the reasons might be surprising. They’re complicated. I do not doubt my calling into ministry at all. Specifically, I think God created me to serve at The Vine. When I look back at everything that’s happened in my life, in conjunction with the way I’m wired and where my strengths and giftedness are, it’s really kind of crazy to see how things have lined up. To make sure there’s no confusion, I want to serve with everything I am, 100% of the time, with the most excellence possible, every single day…whether I ever get paid fulltime or not. The Lord and I have had long, drawn-out conversations about this, and I decided a long time ago that my worth in advancing the Kingdom and the amount of money I get paid don’t really have anything to do with each other. What matters is that I wake up every morning and say, “Yes, Lord. I will do whatever you say.” I know that God created me with purpose – and that purpose is making things happen. I found a great post I completely identified with the other day, so if you’d like to read more about that click here.

The reason I’d love to have a full-time paid ministry position is so I can be singular in focus and be the most effective I can possibly be. This is related to the blessing/curse of having both Achiever and Responsibility in the top 3 of your StrengthsFinders…but basically, I can’t do things half-way. Whatever I sell-out to becomes who I AM, and I can’t “leave things at the office” or turn my brain off. That’s what scares/frustrates me the most about going back to teaching fulltime – though I realize that’s how the Lord is providing for my family right now, and I will be obedient to and appreciative of that provision. Also, I’m sure there are teachers and students at my new school who are desperately in need of Jesus, and I will embrace the chance to love them like Jesus. I’ve worked fulltime before, and I’m not proud of the way I handled it. The Lord has taught me so much in the past year about the importance of family, and that the first place I need to minister and represent Him is in my home. When I used to teach fulltime, and work with a campus ministry, and volunteer with the youth at church, my family often got pushed to the wayside. And that’s not okay. It’s sin. The problem is that, because I think the Lord expects us to perform with excellence as though we’re working for him, I work really hard at teaching. I’ve promised myself I won’t do any extra curricular activities, but “just” teaching (and grading and planning) will take at least 50-60 hours a week. Minimum. And then I still want to serve at the church, which will now be my “free” time. So when we go to church conferences, etc, and the speakers talk about putting family first and creating boundaries and sabbathing, etc….though all of those things are valid…and Biblical…those principles are difficult to establish when all of my ministry “work,” if you can even call it that, has to be done during my free time. I’m pretty sure what it will come down to is me choosing between my family, church work, and sleep, and if sleep loses out then I won’t do anything 100% because I’ll be exhausted…IDK. It’s an endless cycle; one I think many full-time bi-vocational ministry people struggle with.

So, in conclusion, I feel a little weird about getting paid fulltime (or at all) to do what the Lord created me to do, but it would be awesome if He decided to make that happen because it would enable me to focus on ministry without feeling so fragmented, it would enable me to feasibly separate “work” from family time and honor my commitment to them, and –the coolest reason—“work” wouldn’t feel like working at all, because I absolutely love serving at The Vine, and outside of being with Nick & the girls, it is definitely where I feel the most fully alive!

I trust that His timing is perfect, and if it is His will for me to do ministry fulltime, it will be in His time. If it’s not His will, then I don’t want it to happen anyways. I just want to be obedient to whatever His plan is for me for the present.